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The Tuba Palace

Tuba Jokes

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Tuba Jokes

How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?
5! 1 to do it and 4 to complain how high it is!

A guy goes into a bar and gets really drunk. He decides before he leaves that he needs to go to the John, so he asks the bartender where it's at. The bartender says it's down the hall to the left. He Thanks the bartender and walks down the hall and goes to the right. When he enters the room he sees a bright shiny gold thing in the corner. The man thinks "This place really has class since it has a gold Toliet." So the man drops his pants and does his business and leaves. The next day he calls up to the bar and tells them their bar really has class since it has a gold Toliet. The bartender puts down the phone and say, "Hey Ralph, I think I found the guy that crapped in your Tuba."

There's a Symphony that's playing Bethoven's 9th in a park. The tubas play the first movement, but then since they have two movements of rest they decide to go to the bar across the street and down a few. Before they leave they decided that since it was a little windy out, they should tie their music to the stand. So, They leave and don't start running back until they hear the pickup to their entrance. They finally got back into their seats but they're too drunk to untie the music, and pass out from exaustion of trying. All of a sudden the cunductor looks up and says, "We're at the botom of the 9th, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded!

What did the tuba player get on his ACT?
Drool.

Why would a tuba player get fired from any office job?
He's a low character, below the staff, and he spends too much time resting.

How do you get a tubist to stop playing?
Recite any line from any Monty Python skit. They’ll be shouting 'Ni!' for hours.

When "Oetzi," the famous glacier mummy, was found in the Alps, archeologists and anthropologists were mystified by the riddle of "Oetzi's" nature, the chief question being: "How did he get under the ice fields?" Thanks to a joint venture operation by leading music-anthropologists the mystery has found its solution: "Oetzi" must have been a tubist. How else could the glacier have caught up with him?

What do you do with a failed tuba?
You take away his tuba and give a stick and call him conductor. What if he's still as lowsy as always? You hand him another one and call him a drummer.

 

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